I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
