This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
