you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
