You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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