Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
