So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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