don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
