# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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