Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
