If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
foreskin is a definite game changer
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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