It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
