Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
