drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
