Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
