Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
