the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
