Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Randomize
