Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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