just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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