Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
