I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
