hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
