it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
