My sheets look like a crime scene.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
