Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
