We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
