The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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