I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
