Already got asked if we're dating
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
