i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
