I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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