im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
