Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
