Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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