k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
