Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
