dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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