I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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