yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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