I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
