Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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