'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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