yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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