I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
