Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
