Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
