I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
