Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
