I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
