Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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