you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
