She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
