We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
