Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I need to align my fucking chakras
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
