OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
