i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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